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Ann Pleshette Murphy is one of my heroes.
T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.
Heartwarming, witty, and wise . . . Let Ann Pleshette Murphy be your guide on this charming tour through motherhood.
Harvey Karp, M.D., author of The Happiest Baby on the Block
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Why I Wrote This Book
The idea for the book grew out of my work at Parents Magazine and at Good Morning America, my relationships with leaders in the child development field, and, most importantly, my own experiences as a mom. When I started at Parents, my daughter Madeleine was a year old and -- like the millions of moms we reached every month I was struggling to satisfy countless demands on my time, to balance my needs and those of my family, and to find a way to stop every once in a while and ask, Is this working? Sometimes the answer was no, and although the magazine did an excellent job of addressing many of the issues I faced as a young mother, it focused primarily on the how-tos of baby and child care. Parenting books tended to be even more child-centric, rarely addressing the developmental changes I was experiencing, especially as my children hit the school years. The handful of books about motherhood in a social context tended to be highly doctrinaire and shrill.
My conviction that there was a need for a book about the ways we change as our children grow was deepened by the hundreds of mothers I met during my tenure at Parents and, subsequently, through my work at GMA. Everywhere I traveled, every time I read through our mail or answered questions online, I was struck by the often-desperate longing women had for validation of their choices, reassurance for their fears, insight into the challenges they faced every single day. Most of these mothers lived far away from their extended families; few of them had adequate child care; even fewer were prepared for the seismic change motherhood brought. What I felt they needed was a book that encouraged them to nurture their development, to take the time to reflect on and really appreciate all that they did as mothers, and to recognize that they were hardly alone in their feelings.
I also wanted to make them laugh, to develop the ironic distance all moms need to survive the tougher times and the heart to savor the moments of pure joy. Although I wanted to tell it like it is, I did not have a particular axe to grind or a hidden political agenda; that said, I believe women receive confusing and often conflicting messages about motherhood and I wanted to shed some light on and allay the guilt associated with these messages.
I chose to break down motherhood into seven stages because I wanted to underscore the developmental message of the book, but as I stress in the conclusion, motherhood is the ultimate never-ending story; we may become less central in our childrens lives, but we never separate completely and neither do they. Also, our passage from one stage to another rarely happens in a consistently forward-moving direction. Theres plenty of circling, slipping, doubling back during this amazing journey. But theres no going back entirely and, as I hope readers of my book will realize, thats actually very good news.
Reviews of The 7 Stages of Motherhood
Every mother needs a guinea pig. Not an actually furry rodent; no mother needs that. I'm talking about a metaphoric guinea -- a friend, sister, or colleague who is a couple of years further down the road, a little more experienced in the ways of parenting, and most importantly, has made mistakes and is willing to share the lessons learned. Besides my sisters and sisters-in-law, I have two great guinea pigs in the motherhood arena: Carol Evans and Ann Pleshette Murphy. You may know both of them already from their contributions to Satellite Sisters. And, lucky for us, both of them have books out just in time for Mother's Day.
Carol Evans is the CEO and President of Working Mother Media. I got to know Carol through my writing for her magazine, Working Mother. Before I ever met Carol, the staff at the magazine sang her praises, warning me that she was dynamic beyond words. Meeting Carol in person, I can understand why she has so many fans amongst her employees. She is a dynamo, advocating for working parents with a grace and passion. Her new book is This is How We Dot It: The Working Mothers' Manifesto. Leave it to Carol to write a "manifesto" and not just a "guide" or a "strategy". The book is filled with personal anecdotes, solid research on families, and lots of straight talk and inspiration. And we all need a little inspiration some days to keep it going. A must for working mothers.
Ann Pleshette Murphy is another mom that has been in the trenches and is willing to tell the tales. She is the parenting expert to Good Morning America and a frequent contributor to Satellite Sisters. Annie's book The 7 Stages of Motherhood: Loving Your Life without Losing Your Mind is now out in paperback. And, no, there is no "Help get me Out of Here" stage, but you will recognize yourself on every page. Just like kids 0 to 18 have stages, so, too do the mothers of those kids, writes Annie. It is warm, personal, and hopeful.
One thing Carol and Ann share is a sense of humor and a sense of perspective about motherhood. Someday, when you're in the middle of a parenting crisis, real or imagined, it's hard to have either. That's why I love talking to Carol and Annie. They make me laugh and they make me think. Isn't that what guinea pigs, and Satellite Sisters, are for?
- Lian Dolan, Satellite Sisters "SisterLogue" newsletter.
"Murphy takes her cue from Goldilocks and The Three Bears, catering to moms in search of something "just right" when it comes to parenting advice. Channeling her experience as a mother of two and former editor of Parents magazine, she serves up a delightful mixture of theory and real-life anecdotes about motherhood from pregnancy through to the teenage years. Since "most of the literature on motherhood neglects the mother," Murphy seeks to demonstrate parenting as the synchronous development of child and mother. She uses humor to discuss issues such as choosing a suitable childcare provider and coping with "Mom the Leper" syndrome (the cutoff of physical contact with peer-conscious preteens). In a wonderful vignette about finding Lego Man's hair, she reminds moms to take stock of daily achievements beyond "the to-do list" and also encourages them to recognize when they are "in the wrong movie" directing their unique children to the script of their own childhood remembrances. This well-crafted book is recommended for all public libraries."
- Library Journal. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information
No one is in a better position to support and inform parents than Ann Pleshette Murphy, whom every parent can look to with extreme confidence because her years of personal experience as a mother, unlimited access to experts and perhaps most important, the special warmth and honesty with which she approaches the joys and challenges of parenthood. As the extraordinarily successful and highly respected editor-in-chief of Parents for more than ten years, she has been able to bring a unique perspective to supporting, advising, and best of all understanding child-rearing issuesalways going beyond the obvious and reaching out with depth and empathy. Any parent who reads this book will gain insight and increased confidence.
Nancy Samalin, director of Parent Guidance Workshops, NYC & bestselling parenting author whose newest book is Loving Without Spoiling & 100 Other Timeless Tips for Raising Terrific Kids
Ann Pleshette Murphy is every Momsand Dadsbest friend. She has captured the complexities, joys, and sorrows of parenting and presented them in ways that help us manage the usual and unusual crises of caring for children in the midst of a busy life. She is like a good parent to her readers: she lends a helping hand, she is a supportive voice in your ear, but her greatest joy is seeing you go off on your own, confident and competent.
Samuel J. Meisels, President, Erikson Institute, author of Winning Ways to Learn
Ann Pleshette Murphy knows what to expect after youre expecting. Her stories and insights about mothering do more than teach the facts of childrens development. This is a book about adult developmentabout how running the emotional gauntlet of parenting changes us forever.
Justin Richardson, M.D., co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid Theyd Ask)
Annie Murphy has told us rare and liberating truths about parenting. A skilled journalist, she is incredibly observant of herself and her children without being self-serving or narcissistic in the rendering. Her respect for her kids, and ours, sets a standard for parenting books.
Kyle Pruett, M.D., author of Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child
The 7 Stages of Motherhood comes straight from the heart. Annie Murphy creates a personal connection with each reader, sharing her own struggles and exhilarations, her down to earth wisdom and her breadth of knowledge about what is often one of the most important of lifes journeysmotherhood. Filled with heartwarming as well as heart wrenching stories, supported by the most modern research and practical parenting tips, the author reaches out her hand in friendship to the reader and helps her through the myriad stages of emotional development motherhood creates. Its a must read for any mother, any woman contemplating motherhoodand for those who love them!
William Pollack, author of Real Boys, Real Boys Voices, and Real Boys Workbook
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